


If He Had A Heart

by three_cheers_for_sweet_frerard



Category: Death Note
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst and Smut, Idk what i'm doing, M/M, Smut, Yotsuba Arc, and everyone is ooc, basically this is so sweet that it will rot your teeth, but my grammar's okay, is that a reason to read it?, lawlight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-06
Updated: 2015-05-06
Packaged: 2018-03-29 08:41:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3889825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/three_cheers_for_sweet_frerard/pseuds/three_cheers_for_sweet_frerard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What was happening to him?<br/>Above all else, Light Yagami detested sentiment from the bottom of his black little heart. (That is, if he even had one, he liked to think to himself.) It got in the way, it made one weak, and more importantly, it could not be controlled. Of course, there were other things he hated. Bad hair days. Misa Amane. Losing. And finally, the best detective in the world, otherwise known as L. That was only up until very recently, however...</p>
            </blockquote>





	If He Had A Heart

What was happening to him?

Above all else, Light Yagami detested sentiment from the bottom of his black little heart. (That is, if he even had one, he liked to think to himself.) It got in the way, it made one weak, and more importantly, it could not be controlled. Of course, there were other things he hated. Bad hair days. Misa Amane. Losing. And, until very recently, the best detective in the world, otherwise known as L. Unfortunately, the ‘until very recently’ thing was kind of linked to the whole sentiment dilemma.

It had all started, the whole humiliating business, when L had been made certain of Light being Kira, and so having lost his memories of killing anyone. Although he didn’t want to admit it, Light was more than a little scared of the execution that he had thought non-negotiable if he really was Kira, and when L had announced the verdict - not triumphantly, however, but in a matter-of-fact sort of way that Light had found strangely comforting at the time - he felt… lost. There wasn’t any other word for it. He was supposed to be studying to join the police force! He was supposed to be a success, no, the success of his generation… But in a split ten seconds all that had been crushed. “Light-kun?” L had said casually, halfway through some research they'd been doing, “It’s gone up two percent from ninety eight per cent. That means there’s no way you’re not Kira.” There was a pause whilst Light’s stunned brain took it in, until L broke the silence by saying “I’m getting more strawberry cake. Would you like some?” and then, “I’m taking your lack of speech as an affirmative.” Light shook his head at that, to which L replied, “Suit yourself.”

Despite being handcuffed together, the two didn’t speak until Light said that he needed to sleep (he didn’t, there was far too much on his mind) and so the two of them had retired for the night, L sitting at his desk that they’d conveniently situated close to the double bed so that Light could sleep and L could work simultaneously. Light lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. Him, a serial killer? If L had confirmed it then it must be true; L was never wrong. Light had just never considered himself able to kill anyone. I mean, sure, he got pretty competitive and power-hungry at times, but there was a difference between wanting to win a tennis match and wanting to kill people who stood in his way. But why had L not said anything afterwards? Surely if there was to be an execution, L would have at least told him when, where and how. Apart from asking Light if he wanted more cake, however (which was ridiculous, Light never wanted any of the seemingly endless strawberry cakes that kept appearing all over the headquarters), L had said nothing. What if this was a trick? What if he wasn’t Kira, and L was just seeing how he’d react? There were too many possibilities, but if he was... What was his father going to think? And his mother, and Sayu? There was no way him and L could hide his execution from them by saying he was moving to another country or something, or moving in with another girlfriend far away - they’d both want to see him, no matter where he was. And L wouldn’t be able to hide anything from Light’s father… whom Light had assured several times that he wasn’t Kira, because he was definite that he wasn’t… They were all going to be so shocked and so disappointed in him…

Light lost all grip on his previous rational thinking and a small tear escaped the corner of his left eye. Dammit. If L saw him this vulnerable, it was going to be mortifying. Just as Light tried to blink it away, he heard the ever-present chain that bound them clink as L shut down his computer and got under the covers next to Light. This was rare in itself - L never slept. Light instinctively rolled over so his back was facing L when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Ryuzaki…"

"Light-kun. Why are you upset?”

“I’m not upset!” L shot him a knowing look. “Okay, okay, fine. Go on, Mr. Best Detective in the world. You should be able to tell why I’m… upset.” He enunciated the final word carefully, practically recoiling at its sound.

“You shouldn’t be. I’ve formulated a plan and found the right criminal that we can frame as Kira so that we have something to tell the rest of the task force that’ll mean your name is cleared. He was put on death row the exact day that you were put into confinement, so, the day that the killings stopped. The only thing we’d have to do for that is to keep you here on the task force for another six months or so - just enough time for us to plant false information that’ll lead the rest of them to believe that the criminal on death row is Kira.”

“You’re going to… You’re not going to execute me?”

“From what I’ve seen this afternoon, no. That’s why I didn’t speak to you. I wanted to be sure that you have no memories of killing anyone, and therefore are basically harmless. If you still remembered being Kira, you’d probably act a lot more aggressively than you did.”

“So nobody besides us is going to know that I’m Kira?”

“Precisely.” Unconsciously, Light moved slightly closer to L. “You’re… my only friend, Light-kun. I couldn’t kill you, you know that. Besides, I thought executing somebody who had no memory of his crimes was cruel and unnecessary.”

There was a long silence.

“I’m saving your life here. The least you could do is thank me.”  
“Um. Yeah. Thanks, Ryuzaki,” and then, “You’re never going to stop playing the ‘I saved your life’ card now, are you?”

“Nope. You’d better get used to it.”

Three months had passed since then, and neither of them mentioned the incident. It was probably best that they didn’t - the two of them had practically been cuddling, and their relationship was supposed to be strictly professional. They weren’t even supposed to be friends, let alone… cuddle buddies. (The term was so sickly it almost made Light throw up.) But half of Light, though he vowed never to admit it to anyone, wanted them to be more than friends. He’d noticed a change in the way he felt towards L after they had decided to sever the chain between them, L’s reasoning for this being that he was beginning to “believe Light was not Kira” (they had to tell the rest of the task force something or it would be far too suspicious) and therefore it was no longer needed. They did, inevitably, end up spending a lot of time with each other even without the handcuffs, but Light found himself inexplicably missing it. It had made them feel like a unit, ‘Light and Ryuzaki’ as they were always referred to as - “Light and Ryuzaki can go and work on finding patterns in the list of those killed”, or “Light and Ryuzaki can take the afternoon off”. Now that they weren’t forced to be together, they were given separate jobs without fail, and it made Light feel… what was the word? Lonely. He couldn’t remember feeling lonely for a long time, and he’d gotten used to having L around. When he wasn’t working, not only did he like simply looking at L’s face - the panda eyes and boyishly messy raven hair was strangely endearing as well as incredibly attractive - but he liked the quick, sarcastic remarks that would pass between them much like a tennis ball between two national champions. Wait - what had he just thought? He found L attractive? This was too much. He didn’t have time for this, and it hurt to know that L would never like him in the same way... No. He couldn’t allow this. Light Yagami didn’t like anybody. Not Misa, not Takada, and certainly not L… He had to resolve this, and chose the only way he knew how.

“Ryuzaki.” His voice was stiff.

“Hello, Light. If you were planning to join us, Matsuda and I were just researching one of the -”

“Ryuzaki, I have a request.”  
L looked confused, but nodded. “Go on.”

“Seeing as I’m still a suspect, no matter how small your percentage is, it’s unfair that we’re friends because it could bias you. If I am Kira, you wouldn’t want me to be caught because that would mean you losing your only friend. So I’ve been thinking, and I believe it’s best that we don’t come into contact unless we need to.” L looked puzzled at first. They'd agreed that Light was Kira, they'd talked about this! Light had to be saying that he was still a 'suspect' purely because of Matsuda's presence. However, if you removed that element from Light's reasoning, there was no reason why it was detrimental for them to be friends. The only conclusion L was able to make from all this was that Light just didn't want to be near L anymore.

L looked visibly wounded, but Light continued, ruthless. His own words were hurting him, but they had to be said. “I’ve already sorted it out with my father - now that we’re not handcuffed together, I can have a separate room and place for working. If you need to question me because you suspect me, then that’s fine, or if we have to be together to look at some evidence. But apart from that I see no reason for us to be together. I just wanted to ask you if that was all right. You know, because you’re the leader of the task force and all.”

“Light.” L sighed. “Light, no. It’s important that we maintain a stable relationship just for the sake of the task force’s efficiency. You agree with me, don’t you Matsuda?” Matsuda didn’t reply, distracted, so L poked him in the shoulder until he nodded blindly. “So. Are you going to join us?”

“Yeah. All right.”

That night, Light overheard snippets of a conversation.

“But Watari… I don’t understand why he’d do that! We have to be together to work together, and… I thought we were….”  
Light doesn’t hear what Watari replies, but it sounds vaguely comforting.

“Can I tell you something?”

“Whatever you need to.”

“I… I like Light. I like him. Okay? I can’t help it, but I do. In a way he was right. I’m massively biased but I just can’t seem to shake the feeling off. I’ve never felt this way before about anyone before and I’m scared. My deductive ability is decreasing as we speak because of it. And the worst thing is that it’ll never be resolved, because I know Light would never… he has Misa, and all those… other girls, and…”  
Light’s mouth fell open in disbelief. L… liked him? From what he could work out, it was in a romantic way, too… What was he going to do? From here, he could either continue their relationship as normal, he could ostracize L completely as he had been planning, or he could do what his heart told him. (That is, if he even had one.)

Light imagined what would happen if he chose the third option. Mostly, he just wanted to make L happy. The feeling was alien but not at all unpleasant. L’s feelings had mirrored his own; he’d not at all been able to deduce that Light loved him back, and in fact had not even been able to consider such a concept. So yes, Light did want to make L happy, and for some reason, the idea of this forced flutters to bat against the walls of Light’s ribcage.

By the next day, Light had formulated a plan, and put this into motion at around eight o clock pm. “L…” he started. The detective was sat in his usual manner, back hunched in what must be a terribly unhealthy stance and knees brought up in front of his chest. “L, I may have overheard something yesterday.”

“What, the new information we’d discovered about the third Kira? I was going to tell you today but got distracted, it’s fine.”  
“No…” Light’s voice faltered slightly. He shook his head, all semblance of sense quickly losing all meaning, and then leant down to press his lips chastely against L’s for a few seconds. L’s eyes became even wider than usual, and.. and he didn’t respond, clearly not interested but merely taken by surprise… This was awful! How was he supposed to work with L now? And more importantly, would they be able to ever resume their friendship after this? Light assumed not. He had been so presumptuous, eavesdropping on a private conversation and then acting like that because of it, and any consequences that were to follow were therefore undoubtedly his own fault. Light watched for L’s reaction as they pulled away, but saw nothing of the joy he had previously expected in his eyes, only confusion and maybe, just maybe a hint of repulsion. It didn’t bear thinking about.

“What...Light-kun…”

“Never mind,” Light scowled, and stalked off in the opposite direction to hide in his - and only his - room.

Light refused to speak to L for the next three weeks. L looked reasonably hurt by this, but didn’t make any sort of attempt to reconcile the pair of them, which only convinced Light that L hated him, or just felt awkward around him. Even after many attempts at forgetting his feelings for L, Light couldn’t stop himself from imagining what it would be like to be in a relationship with him. They’d kiss (kissing L properly would be amazing, he thought) and cuddle every night like they did the night L confirmed that Light was Kira… Now that he revisits the phrase, he wouldn’t really mind being called a ‘cuddle buddy’, not if it meant him and L being together. Maybe Light would even resort to eating some of L’s goddamned cake, because he loved him, and you did things like that for people you loved, didn’t you?

The rest of the task force obviously noticed the iciness between them, but didn’t dare to ask what was the matter. After Light’s denied request that he be separated from L, they had all agreed to stay out of whatever was happening between their two strongest detectives, because being trained to do that type of work, they had definitely spotted something going on. L quickly lost his excitement and interest in the case, and Light barely spoke and was looking more tired every day. He had forgotten what it was like to get a full night of sleep because he was thinking so much, about L, mostly. What benefit was it to him to continue to conceal that Light was the first Kira, now that there was no prospect of them ever regaining the strong friendship that had previously existed between the two boys? And why had he bothered to go to all the trouble of finding the perfect criminal to frame, and then planting clues to fool Matsuda and his father? This didn’t make any sense. Either L was just bored with the Yotsuba case and needed something else to take his mind off it, or Light had fallen in love with the kindest and most perfect boy in the world, not just the greatest detective…

It was three weeks later when they finally spoke again using more than one syllable. Light had seen L in the corridor, and so was doing the thing he had been usually doing after the fateful kiss - walking as fast as he could away from him in order to avoid making eye contact. However, this time L was having none of it, and so followed him into the main room, where Light sat down on the couch so that he had his back to L.

“Light-kun,” he attempted, though it did feel rather like talking to the back of Light’s head. “Light, please.” There was no reply. “Light, you can’t carry on running away from me like this.” Still nothing, but Light did get up to leave, which probably worsened the situation.

It was rare of L to act on impulse, but on this occasion he felt like this was the only way to get Light to forgive him - and the only way of them possibly being together like they both wanted. L grabbed hold of Light’s wrist, preventing him from leaving, and then captured the other’s lips with his.

L’s lips were soft and warm and slightly sweet, not to mention oh so talented, and Light was too interested in kissing him to even be shocked. He ran his hands through L’s soft, unruly raven black hair, and then licked at the corner of L’s mouth, asking permission. L granted it, opening his mouth slightly to allow Light entrance, and as Light had predicted, L’s mouth was even sweeter than his lips. Light found himself rethinking his stance on strawberry cake.

They pulled away from each other, submitting to the need for oxygen. “Ryuzaki.. You like me like - like that?”

“Please. Call me L.”

“So, L. What is the probability of me kissing you like that again?”

“Oh, I’d say at least seventy two per cent.” L’s black eyes were shining, shining with happiness after looking lacklustre for so long. Light had achieved what he’d planned to, and it felt amazing.

“The other twenty eight per cent?”

“That’s the probability of you kissing my neck or something, although I do quite like that, too. Could you do that later?”

“I can do anything you want me to do,” Light said, raising an eyebrow and looking - L thought - ridiculously attractive, before kissing him again and playfully biting at L’s bottom lip. The detective let out a little pleasantly surprised squeak at this, and so returned the favour, at which he could feel Light’s lips unconsciously forming a smile. “Can we… take this… into our bedroom?” he said in between kisses.

“Our bedroom,” said Light. “I like it when you call it that,” and with that L positioned his legs around Light's waist and they continued kissing hungrily as they made their way to the bedroom.Luckily nobody else bumped into them on the way, otherwise they would have been made to stop and explain themselves, but Light managed to put L down onto the bed without being seen by Matsuda, his father, or - god forbid - Misa.

Light positioned himself on top of L, and  just as L had described, he begun kissing and sucking hickeys along the pale, soft skin of L's neck, causing him to let out a small gasp and his hands to find themselves tangled in Light's hair. L soon grew impatient and begun rapidly unbuttoning the other's shirt.

"Eager, are we?" Light said, amused as L tossed his shirt across the room.

"I don't know, Light imagaY, you seem pretty into me too."

"You think you're so original for calling me that. Come on, you're literally the thirteenth person who has." As Light lifts L's own shirt over his head, he realized that he has never once questioned his sexuality; not because he thought he was straight, but because with all the studying he did there simply wasn't time. He was attracted to Misa, yeah, but couldn't imagine feeling the same way about her as he does about L. L was different.

Light took a minute to take in L's newly shirtless form. He hadn't formerly appreciated how leanly muscular L was, instead just seeing him as skinny, but L's body was slender and toned all at once. L was beautiful, and from the look he was giving him, he felt the same way about Light.

"You're so..." For once, the raven haired man was speechless. He then tugged at the waistband of Light’s pants. "Can I?"

"Please do," Light replied hastily, and L doesn't waste time; after removing Light's pants, he tentatively slipped his hand under the waistband of Light's boxers and grasped his cock. Light couldn't control the moan that escaped him, and L made a mental note of how to make the auburn haired boy make that beautiful sound again, stroking his length while feeling his own grow painfully harder every second.

"Wait," said Light. "Can I try something?" There was a slightly devilish look in his eyes, and L can't help but be incredibly turned on by this.

"Be my guest," L said, and was met by Light undressing him completely, pushing him backwards so he's lying on his back and pressing soft, whispering kisses against his thighs.

"Light-kun, you don't have to..."

"I want to," he assured him before licking a stripe up L's cock. L whimpered immediately at this, and Light already knew he was going to be loud, and everyone is going to hear them, but he's past the point of caring, and plus, the thought that he was the one to make L sound like that was insanely, insanely hot.

He then took as much of him in his mouth as he could manage, prompting L to arch his back and anchor his hands in the bedsheets, and it's slightly uncomfortable for Light physically but from L's reaction it's totally worth it. It only took a few more minutes for L to come in Light's mouth, and he swallowed quickly, trying not to taste anything.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to -"

"Come like that? Well that was sort of the aim of this whole thing."

"You don't mind? I mean, wow, that was..."

"You saved my life," Light smirked. "It was the least I could do." L kissed him again, and as the kiss deepened, Light's hands traced over L's chest before moving lower.

"Can I?" he asked, fingers moving from L's cock to his entrance.

"Yes. Please," L replied.

"We don't have to if you've never -"

L exhaled. "I never have before, but I want you to be my first. I might not be amazing though, so I'm sorry if it's... not perfect."

"Don't. I'm not very experienced in this area either." Light carefully pushed in his index finger. "You doing okay?"

"Yeah. You can add another finger." Light did so. "Wait.. L?"

"What?"

"Have you been thinking about this?"

L blushed pink, which was a weird sight because he was usually so pale. "Yes. I have."

"I thought as much. That's... really hot, L. Can.. can I add a third?"

"Light-kun, you're not going to hurt me. In fact, I'm rather enjoying this." There was a pause. "That was a yes. If you didn't catch that."

After a few more moments, Light removed his fingers - L making a slightly annoyed noise at the loss of him there - but then lined himself up with L's entrance.

He pushed in slowly, not wanting to hurt L in the slightest, but found L wincing and screwing his eyes tightly shut regardless, and so stopped immediately so that the other could get used to it. L felt so tight and hot around him, and it was amazing, but it was wrong to express his pleasure when L was in pain and discomfort. "L..." he let out eventually.

"Light-kun," the other boy replied quietly, his eyelashes fluttering shut and then open again with newfound pleasure as Light pulled out, then hesitantly pushed in further, the feeling of L around him warm and tight and perfect. L let out a string of pleasured cries, and Light assumed he'd found his prostate. "Fuck, do that again. Faster."

Light smirked. "Never heard you swear before today. Interesting."

"You... talk too much....

Light obliged and started thrusting into him faster than before, all fear of hurting L having evaporated due to the response he was receiving from the black-haired man beneath him. He began biting and sucking on a particular area just above L's collarbone, deliberately wanting to leave as much evidence of their activities as possible, wanting to mark him as his.

For L, the pain had now dissipated completely and was replaced by a rippling, resounding pleasure that sent waves shuddering through him. His nails instinctively raked and scratched down Light's back, trying to find something to cling to, stability in the midst of the sensations that had now kicked all other thoughts out of his brain. This made Light growl and hold him tighter, thrust into him harder, until L couldn't take anymore and seemingly unravelled beneath him with an understated whimper that didn’t even begin to describe the sensations flowing through him, Light's own release following seconds later. They lay there for a while afterwards, breathing heavily, Light’s hand occasionally brushing against L’s. It was strange how, even after they had been so intimate before, such little and chaste contact still sent electric currents through him. After a few minutes, Light decided that he had to sleep (and it was only midnight, L found himself grumbling - that boy and his stupid early bedtimes - but then stopped himself, because after turning the lights off, Light had practically cuddled up to him, and maybe actually sleeping was worth it this time.)

"Lawliet," L said softly.

"What?" Light rolled over to face him.

"My name," he replied, not used to the sound of it out loud even himself. "It's L Lawliet."

Light sat up and looked at him curiously. "You... you trust me enough... to tell me?!"

"Well, I love you, so naturally yes." At this Light practically tackled him down onto the mattress and kissed him over and over, and L's heart felt.. fluttery. Warm. Safe. For yes, it was now Light's to do as he wished, and he knew that there was nothing Light could do to harm him. Nothing.

"L Lawliet," Light tried it out. "It suits you. I like it."

“I like you.”

“I know,” Light smirked, and their lips met once more.


End file.
